WARNINGS: nonconsent culture, bystander consent issues, intersections of queer and trans* hate and bystander consent, extreme anxiety, triggeredness, sexualism, my privileges and fuckups, boundaries stuff
shit i’m bad at warnings
i’m not even sure how to explain but this response to me (warning: this link goes to a page where there are animated gifs in the sidebar) is really triggering me back to all of that stuff that happened then in the beginning with A and bystander consent and how ze didn’t respect me then and well these things well i will never get over that and why the fuck would you assume i’m NOT triggered and what the fuck and i just
(maybe i am making this up)
(and fuck it no no. no. no. no. no. no)
i just, no, this is too many thoughts and i feel like this is a very western and western-justifying attitude to have (oh my god how can you be so against KISSING in public and this is what i used to try to convince others of too and i hate that i fucking HATE that i disrespected others like this and i hate that i also monolithized everything about my heritage in doing so and i STILL do not have the language for this and i probably never will because oh right that’s just how it is being a person of colour, right, okay then. /sarcasm. i have complicated feelings about this but it is still ugh)
and i just, too many things i ignored too, too many things. i just, i can’t,
i don’t know and frankly this is all very sexualist and to just completely derail someone who’s asexual talking about sexual and nonconsent culture and how fucked up it is is rather fucked up
and privacy is one thing but those things— constantly acting as though it is totally justified to make out in front of your friends without their consent, to
ugh i am guilty of these things too and i wish i wasn’t ugh i don’t know i just i feel like that whole argument- ha, “argument”- with A is happening all over again like those fucking emails i could fucking look them up and the same things and i had to “argue” these things had to argue that i felt disrespected and pressured and yes that does affect shit (and i love her and everything but that doesn’t mean fuckups go away and things are good with us precisely because we pay attention to this and things at least i hope so)
and the whole concept of “devil’s advocate” — ugh, no. i mean i get that you’re marginalized in those respects but— please, no.
i just. bystander consent is important. i mean really
i just i mean yeah i worry because like yeah i’m privileged i’m a cis person talking about this so like yeah
but i do not like this rationale
i like this response and i want to expand
but i’m just ugh severely upset i hate this entire post so much nothing makes sense and it’s all just i can’t even like i don’t know
does anyone have the spoons and want to help
The initial post does describe some pretty shitty behavior, but that’s all it is. Shitty behavior. It’s not flaunting of privilege, it’s one person’s friends being assholes. There is nothing inherently bad about kissing in public and no one should have to take into account whether someone nearby may be a special snowflake who is offended by such things. And if you’re going to go into “bystander consent” then all of a sudden conservative groups talking about queer people kissing and holding hands in public suddenly have a valid argument.
Lastly, don’t fucking appropriate the spoons concept just because you’re annoyed or upset at something. It has a specific meaning and it does not fucking apply here.